Bart's Friend Falls In Love (Story reenactment)
by mikersty
Summary: A Story esque version of the time when The love bug bites Milhouse, leaving him little time for Bart; and Marge orders a subliminal message weight-loss tape for Homer, who doesn't understand why he's still gaining.
1. Hello, Samantha

Homer's change jar twinkled atop his dresser. Bart cautious approached and swiped it. Homer's rumbling form appeared. ''Why you little...'' he yelled at Bart. Bart made his escape through the house, barely exiting through the garage door as it closed.

For that added dramatic touch, he had to reach back inside for his lucky red hat. He hopped aboard the school bus and tipped his hat good-bye as Homer shouted incoherently. Bart taken his seat next to Milhouse. "Hey Bart" he said. "My dad took me to Circus of Values last night and said I could get anything I wanted." "Cool" Bart agreed. "An oversized novelty billiard ball!" "Yeah, you shake it up and it tells the future!" replied Milhouse. "Really" asked Bart. "Uh huh" answered Milhouse. Bart started to take it "Will I pass my English test?" he wandered, as he shaked it, "Outlook not so good." Bart read aloud like the ball. "Wow, it does work!" Milhouse gave it a shot. ``Will I get beat up today?'' The ball says, ``All signs point to Yes.'' Nelson poked his head over the seat. ``That ball knows everything.'' He sluged Milhouse. Bart took the ball "Will Milhouse and I be friends till we're toothless old men with hair in our ears?'' he asked Milhouse. ``Don't count on it.'' He nearly aimed a little lower, but the prognosis was still bleak. Grasping at straws, he asked, ''Will Milhouse and I be friends at the end of the day?'' The answer was `No'. Bart asked, ``What could come between the two bestest buddies just like us?''.

To answer that, it was a dramatic closeup of a very sweet little girl with braces by the name of Samantha Stanky. "Samantha, I've always been suspicious of transfer students." Principal Seymour Skinner told her. "Other principals try to unload problem cases that way. Lord knows I do." "I'm a good student." Samantha tried to explain to him. "Yeah, sure, and they told me I'd get a big parade when I got back from 'Nam. Instead, they spat on me. I can still feel it searing. "So, let's just see what the permanent record has to say. No detention, fairly good attendance I see you beat that bed-wetting problem. That's in there? Don't worry. They'll forget" Skinner lapsed. "Just like they forgot about me in that tiger cage for 1 8 agonizing months. Every night I wake up screaming." "Well, let's meet your classmates." Seymour suggested to her. Ms. Krabappel handed out the graded tests, and the Magic Eight Ball was right on the money. As Ms. Krabappel griped about the class size. Skinner came in. "Attention, class. I have a new student for you" he announced. Please say a big elementary school hello to Samantha Stinky." Everyone thought the name was funny. "It is not Samantha STINKY. It is Samantha Stanky." she corrected her classmates. "S-T-A-N-K-Y"

"Oh, right...how embarrassing for you." he told her. "I'm sure this is a little scary for you" asked Mrs. Edna Krabappel. "Uh-huh." the new student answered. "So, why don't you stand up in front of the class and tell us about yourself. I'll be grading you on grammar and poise." Mrs. K told her. "We just moved here from Phoenix. My dad owns a home security company." she explained. "He came to Springfield because of its high crime rate and lackluster police force. All my friends are back in Phoenix and this town has a weird smell that you're all probably used to...but I'm not." "It'll take you about six weeks dear" Mrs. K reminded her. At lunchtime in the schoolyard, Bart offered Milhouse a Wet Willie. Bart licked his finger and sticked it into Milhouse's ear. (``Victim number four!'' Bart told him as he left to turn Lewis into his next victim. A stray ball knocked Milhouse's glasses off. We got a Milhouse's-eye-view of the fuzzy world around him as he fumbled for his glasses, threatening the person responsible. He put on his glasses and saw Samantha standing sweetly, ball in hand. (``Whoa.'') Back inside, "Class, in order to explain why your hormones will soon make you an easy target for [turning bitter] every smooth-talking Lothario with his own car and tight jeans..." explained Mrs. K. before she calmed down "I will now show a short sex-education film."


	2. Samantha and Milhouse Sittin' in A Tree

``Tonight on Smartline: I'm Okay, You're Too Fat''. Good evening. Did you know that 34 million American adults are obese?  
Putting together that excess blubber would fill the Grand Canyon two fifths of the way up. That may not sound impressive, but keep in mind it is a very big canyon. Disgusted with the choice of viewing, Homer was about to reach for the remote control,  
/emem but it's barely out of reach. Rather than get up off the couch, he decides /emem to give it another chance. A dramatization of Santa on a hospital bed,  
/emem two reindeer standing a tearful vigil. But to no avail. The doctor pulled the sheet over his head. Lisa, who was also watching, turned to see Homer's ample belly. She imagined Homer's funeral. An older Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie (adult, but still "sucking"" her pacifier) stood by the grave.  
/em I wish they had never invented fried cheese!  
\- Marge cries at Homer's funeral (in Lisa's dream),  
``Bart's Friend Falls in Love''  
em Since there wasn't a casket large enough, Homer is buried in a piano /emem crate, lowered on a crane into the grave. The grave diggers rush to /emem enlarge the hole, but the chain snaps, crushing everyone. End of dream.  
/em We take eighteen ounces of sizzling ground beef, and soak it in rich,  
creamery butter, then we top it off with bacon, ham, and a fried egg.  
We call it the Good Morning Burger.  
\- Homer watched a television advertisement, ``Bart's Friend Falls in Love''  
em Lisa resolved, ``I've gotta help him.''  
/em  
em While Milhouse and Samantha kissed, Bart traded Milhouse's valuable /emem baseball cards for his own worthless ones and, hearing no objection,  
/emem concluded the deal. Samantha checked her watch and says she has to leave. ``My Dad thinks I'm having my braces examined.'' Her parting kiss fogged Milhouse's glasses.  
/em "Milhouse, we're living in the age of cooties. I can't believe the risk you're running." Bart told Milhouse as he emasked him what the big deal was about kissing, and he explained/em/pre


End file.
